Former members of the churches of Christ/ICOC and other cult movements frequently find that when they seek a Christian baptism in a normal church they are refused or dismissed. When they attempt to explain that the baptism they experienced inside the church of Christ was not a Christian sacrament at all, they lack the ability to communicate, or they are prohibited from doing so. They become labeled as legalistic, confused, or simply church hurt by their last congregation. Because they lack confidence in theological language they frequently cannot articulate the distinction between their baptism and a Christian baptism in a way that mainstream Christianity expects.
To outsiders, it sounds like they are saying:
- “I was baptized by immersion/pouring/sprinkling, but it didn’t count.”
- “I want a second baptism because mine wasn’t right.”
- “My theology was wrong before, so I need a new one.”
- “I think something was wrong with my baptism.”
- “I’m unsure about my salvation, so I want to redo it.”
- “I’m legalistic about the mode or the meaning.”
Mainstream Christians often do not recognize the church of Christ as a cult; therefore, they misinterpret what the survivor is saying. They assume the person is anxious, scrupulous, confused, or trying to debate the theology of baptism. Without realizing it, they validate the cult’s claims by treating the cult’s ritual as if it were a legitimate Christian sacrament.
The survivor is placed in an impossible position. They cannot use normal Christian language because they were never taught normal Christian theology, and they cannot use cult language because they are trying to separate from it. They say, “I had something called a baptism,” because that is literally all they can say with integrity.
What they mean is that:
- The Church of Christ taught a non-Christian system of salvation based on human performance and submission to the group.
- Their baptism was performed not as a proclamation of the gospel, but as a required entry ritual into an authoritarian structure.
- Their baptism contained insider lingo that had them unknowingly affirming a false Gospel and false God.
- Their consent was shaped by coercion, misinformation, fear, and false doctrine not Christian faith.
- Baptism, in historic Christianity, requires the intention to receive the sacrament Christ instituted. They never intended that because they were not offered that.
- Therefore, the ritual cannot be considered Christian baptism.
But they are often unable to explain these points fluently or confidently. Trauma muddies memory. What the church of Christ actually teaches is not clear to them and outside sources of information are forbidden.
Instead of a full explanation, they give fragments:
- “I’m not trying to argue.”
- “I think something wasn’t right with my baptism.”
- “I don’t know how to explain.”
- “It was called baptism, but it wasn’t what you mean by baptism.”
These fragments are misunderstood as legalism or confusion, when in reality they are the survivor’s attempt to describe a cultic counterfeit that superficially resembled Christianity.
Why Outsiders Misread the Survivor
- They assume the Church of Christ is a normal denomination
So they map the survivor’s experience onto familiar categories: poor teaching, strict church, harsh pastor, but still Christian. - They do not understand cult sacraments vs. Christian sacraments
They assume immersion with the name of Jesus spoken equals Christian baptism, regardless of doctrinal context, intent, or environment. - They presume survivors want reassurance, not replacement
They think saying “your baptism was valid” is comforting.
In reality, it is invalidating because it treats a coercive cult rite as holy. - They interpret survivor caution as legalistic fixation
Survivors try to avoid overstating or misrepresenting their past.
Outsiders interpret this humble uncertainty as theological rigidity. - They do not recognize that cult survivors do not yet have Christian categories
They are hearing someone speak an entirely different language.
A simple, honest summary of what the survivor is really saying:
- I never received Christian baptism.
- I received a ritual that looked similar from a distance.
- It was not based on the Christian gospel, Christian intent, or Christian faith.
- It was part of a system of manipulation and control.
- I am asking for my first real baptism, but I cannot articulate the theology as clearly as you expect.
My church of Christ Baptism
When I was 7, I had a slumber party that ended with me baptized at 1am by a rogue minister my mother was desperate to impress. Two older girls at the slumber party where not church of Christ and my mother saw an opportunity to get emergency baptism for them. My mother interrupted the slumber party to hang out with us girls which soon turned into thinking we were going to hell if we were not baptized. Baptism was the adult and cool thing to do; we would be women and could have the weekly communion. No parents were called, and even my own father was not informed.
My mother called this minister she was enamored with to perform these good works in the church. When he met us at the church I was immediately confused and angry. This man was the minister my mother was colluding with to split the church. A man my mother was obsessed with to the point that she forgot she had a family at home. One after another we had to follow their 5-step ritual that concluded with baptism. Afterwords we were told they had saved our souls. I was angry, knew this was somehow wrong, and felt guilt for letting it happen to me.
I was baptized for the remission (removal of past sin) only, for the chance at salvation, in the name of what sounds like a trinity but was not. As long as I sinned no more and obeyed the New Testament Pattern of worship, living a perfect life like Jesus I could earn my salvation.
Among the victims that night was another minister’s daughter, two non-Christian teenage girls, and me. The trauma from this reverberated throughout our lives, never able to be perfect enough to be as Jesus and not knowing why we kept trying to be perfect. Not even understanding where this idea that we needed to be like Jesus or else came from. One of the victims has had repeated baptism to erase her past sins.
Not All Christians Can Understand
I remember thinking that when I got older, I could get a real baptism. To the real God, not whatever it was my mother believed in. While I had no idea what actual baptism was or what it meant at 7, I knew within my soul that what had just happened was in no way a Christian baptism. It looked nothing like what I saw in the bible, and it felt like a cheap imitation of something I have since cried for.
Imagine my surprise years later when God finally freed me from the CoC when no one seemed to understand what I was saying. They are Christians, don’t the understand why I would want a baptism?
When speaking with other Christians I would say, “I think I need to redo my baptism,” or “Something wasn’t right about my baptism.” I was excited to get a baptism, finally!
Unfortunately, those phrases made me sound legalistic, combative or confused about baptism. For the bulk of the Christian world, you only get one Baptism, rebaptism is something that fringe groups in error do. Christians out in the world cannot understand that such distortions and abuses can exist, in their own neighborhoods.
I thought I would just tell them what happened and that it was not an actual baptism, something was wrong with it! But I was always stopped short before I could with a puffed-up chest and was issued one of these phrases.
- “As long as there was water.”
- “If they said in the name of the Father, Son and Holy spirit, you are good.”
- “Now, just because you join a new church that does not mean you get a new baptism!”
- “We validate all Baptisms!”
- “It does not matter how old you were.”
- “One baptism Only.”
- “There is no power in the water.”
- “Were not saved by Baptism.”
I began to give up. I thought that if my baptism is valid then no abusive practice of baptism could exist. If someone wanted to force baptisms on strangers in their underwear while singing the star-spangled banner to a god made of three modes, they could. Apparently, baptism was impossible to invalidate. It seemed like an easy sacrament to use in abusive ways, and I struggled with thinking God was ok with this.
It took me a long time to realize what had happened in my interactions with Christians on the outside. Understanding how they perceived me and why. And unfortunately, a lot of Christians speak without knowledge, not realizing the damage they could do. They may even think they are helping you. An unfortunate fact of life is that everybody can have an opinion, but not everyone should be allowed to express that opinion in every context. Moreover, you can and need to disregard the opinions of those without knowledge, no matter how well meaning they are.
Conclusion
Former members of the Church of Christ aren’t looking for a second baptism or seeking reassurance, and they definitely aren’t getting into debates over theology or nitpicking about rituals. They just want to make it clear that what they went through in a coercive, works-based, high-control environment was not real Christian baptism, according to any history or theology. When outsiders think the church of Christ is just a strict denomination, they accidentally support cult-like behavior and overlook the genuine spiritual needs of survivors. If these survivors struggle to explain the difference, it’s not because they’re confused; it’s a totally normal result of trauma, spiritual manipulation, and a lack of sound teaching. They simply want the Christian sacrament they never got. Understanding this difference is crucial, not just for helping out those affected, but also for keeping Christian baptism’s integrity intact.
Churches With Kitchens 